2014 ended, and 2015 began with a time of relaxation. A friend was back home from Europe, and a friend came up from Missouri. We talked, we hung out, we played video games, and we enjoyed seeing each other, again. I was still a bit depressed, and it probably affected how I responded to them. I'd had a buddy from work fixing my car, and we got to cruise around with it (a 95 Cobra) and my Missouri friend's late 80's IROC Camaro. It's always good to cruise in muscle cars :)
After the New Year's break, I tried ignoring things back at work, and instead of the teasing stopping, they had picked it up a notch. I still didn't enjoy coming to work, and didn't plan ahead in a constructive way that would give me some leeway if I ran into slow traffic or bad weather. This lead to me being about 1-2 minutes late one day when it was snowing because I couldn't get around people driving 'slow' (or sane) in the snow. I am harder on myself than they were (not one of my best traits), but I got a slow-clap from people when I walked in, which made me even more angry. It was only when I stopped talking to everyone that they slowed down, but it also caught the eye of a supervisor.
The VA had gotten a new primary doctor for Iraq vets, and he seemed more helpful than the previous one. He genuinely seemed to care, and want to improve my health. He put me on Naproxen for my leg, and that helped the pain a LOT. The only negative side effect was that if you didn't eat food with it, it makes you sick to your stomach. I took it without food, and woke up for work at my normal time feeling terrible. I called in right after waking up (0435 or so), and spent the day laying on the couch with stomach cramps. They consider anything after 0400 a ‘late call-in’, and I don't wake up until 0430 ish, so that was a negative hit on me, as well. The late call-in, being late, and me not wanting to talk to anyone lead my supervisor to put something negative in my year-end review, but not talk to me at all.
I thought things had been slightly improving at work,, and I was coming up with plans to pay my medical bills (I ended up paying around $2000 in January and February on those). The reduced leg pain definitely helped my psyche, and I thought that finally I was coming out of my funk. My friends had been holding an accountability group while reading "The Life You've Always Wanted" by John Ortberg, and invited me to join.
That was when I got the final blow. My supervisor had stopped me for a 2-minute conversation on a Sunday to 'see if things were ok', and that was the only indication that something might have been amiss. Six months of him not talking to me about being teased several hours a shift which wasn't exactly hidden, but a 2 minute conversation that day. People from other crews that worked with us definitely noticed, and talked to me about how [rude] they were. After working a night shift two days later, I woke up to a phone call that I shouldn't go into work, I was getting a ‘random’ psychological test. You don't just get random psychological tests, and I took it personal, it felt like someone WANTED me fired. So that went through my head for 16 hours before having to take the test and meet with the section at work who handles these things.
Thankfully, that morning was my first time in the group accountability call. I was able to not bear this alone, and get some much needed prayer, if nothing else, just for my mind. I was still a half of a wreck when I showed up for the test, but it didn’t take long. I'd just have to come back in a few hours and have a face-chat with the psychologist about the results. I was able to get a nap in, and that was another blessing. I got through the interview just fine, and got some tips: When you go silent, he said, you're what sticks out, not the people being pricks. I then talked with the section supervisor of that group, as a follow-up. I could have given up names, I could have changed crews, and yet I chose to stick with the same group of people without saying a word. I'm still trying to see what I can do to change the culture of the crew, but it might take a while. I need to make sure i'm not joining them, and trying to be an example of Christ's love to them.
Since that day, things have been getting better and better. My medical bills are paid off, I am on a payment plan for my debt, and we've added an additional group call for accountability (which I definitely need). I've lost almost 20 pounds, had the VA remove a lump from my head, they fixed my nose so I could breathe through it, and not need a CPAP.
I am now working on a research project for myself, continuing to work on my house when I can and I'm trying to lose weight. Next up on my body is figuring out how to get my left leg back; it's still not working right. I'm trying to establish consistent times in prayer and scripture, but with rotating shifts, I'm lucky to know what day it is, sometimes.
After the New Year's break, I tried ignoring things back at work, and instead of the teasing stopping, they had picked it up a notch. I still didn't enjoy coming to work, and didn't plan ahead in a constructive way that would give me some leeway if I ran into slow traffic or bad weather. This lead to me being about 1-2 minutes late one day when it was snowing because I couldn't get around people driving 'slow' (or sane) in the snow. I am harder on myself than they were (not one of my best traits), but I got a slow-clap from people when I walked in, which made me even more angry. It was only when I stopped talking to everyone that they slowed down, but it also caught the eye of a supervisor.
The VA had gotten a new primary doctor for Iraq vets, and he seemed more helpful than the previous one. He genuinely seemed to care, and want to improve my health. He put me on Naproxen for my leg, and that helped the pain a LOT. The only negative side effect was that if you didn't eat food with it, it makes you sick to your stomach. I took it without food, and woke up for work at my normal time feeling terrible. I called in right after waking up (0435 or so), and spent the day laying on the couch with stomach cramps. They consider anything after 0400 a ‘late call-in’, and I don't wake up until 0430 ish, so that was a negative hit on me, as well. The late call-in, being late, and me not wanting to talk to anyone lead my supervisor to put something negative in my year-end review, but not talk to me at all.
I thought things had been slightly improving at work,, and I was coming up with plans to pay my medical bills (I ended up paying around $2000 in January and February on those). The reduced leg pain definitely helped my psyche, and I thought that finally I was coming out of my funk. My friends had been holding an accountability group while reading "The Life You've Always Wanted" by John Ortberg, and invited me to join.
That was when I got the final blow. My supervisor had stopped me for a 2-minute conversation on a Sunday to 'see if things were ok', and that was the only indication that something might have been amiss. Six months of him not talking to me about being teased several hours a shift which wasn't exactly hidden, but a 2 minute conversation that day. People from other crews that worked with us definitely noticed, and talked to me about how [rude] they were. After working a night shift two days later, I woke up to a phone call that I shouldn't go into work, I was getting a ‘random’ psychological test. You don't just get random psychological tests, and I took it personal, it felt like someone WANTED me fired. So that went through my head for 16 hours before having to take the test and meet with the section at work who handles these things.
Thankfully, that morning was my first time in the group accountability call. I was able to not bear this alone, and get some much needed prayer, if nothing else, just for my mind. I was still a half of a wreck when I showed up for the test, but it didn’t take long. I'd just have to come back in a few hours and have a face-chat with the psychologist about the results. I was able to get a nap in, and that was another blessing. I got through the interview just fine, and got some tips: When you go silent, he said, you're what sticks out, not the people being pricks. I then talked with the section supervisor of that group, as a follow-up. I could have given up names, I could have changed crews, and yet I chose to stick with the same group of people without saying a word. I'm still trying to see what I can do to change the culture of the crew, but it might take a while. I need to make sure i'm not joining them, and trying to be an example of Christ's love to them.
Since that day, things have been getting better and better. My medical bills are paid off, I am on a payment plan for my debt, and we've added an additional group call for accountability (which I definitely need). I've lost almost 20 pounds, had the VA remove a lump from my head, they fixed my nose so I could breathe through it, and not need a CPAP.
I am now working on a research project for myself, continuing to work on my house when I can and I'm trying to lose weight. Next up on my body is figuring out how to get my left leg back; it's still not working right. I'm trying to establish consistent times in prayer and scripture, but with rotating shifts, I'm lucky to know what day it is, sometimes.
The only thing more embarrassing than a financial audit, might be an audit of my time. What you spend your time and money on say a lot about what you REALLY care about. I'm working on trusting God in EVERYTHING and allowing Him to change my heart to be generous with my money and spending my time more wisely. If someone annoys you, because of their constant speaking, looking for attention, don’t look down on them for that. They’re looking to you because they are placing value in YOU, and your attention, and because they’re not getting it elsewhere.
Today might suck, but you'll wake up with a fresh slate tomorrow, if you allow yourself that. His mercies are new every day.
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